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That's a question my reader has been asking. If you're one of the ten-thousand most-trusted gaming sites on the internet, why ruin an average thing?

Well, we've been checking our internal web site statistics, and it turns out that approximately one-hundred percent of all website readers pay zero dollars to access the middling-quality content on The Ghetto. That's stealing, and stealing is wrong! Also, people say really mean things about my web site, and how will I protect myself from hurtful words if I don't hide from them? They even called me an elitist. Elitist my ass. Not my problem I'm better than you.

Anyway, in order to protect both our business model and our intellectual property rights, The Ghetto introduces a revolutionary new service that will change the face of game journalism forever: The Ghetto 2.0. Over the coming months and years, we'll find ways to charge you for the content we once provided for free while convincing you that it was never free to begin with! We hope this is the first step towards launching a video game web site called The Ghetto, because The Ghetto never existed...until today.

But why create a video game web site that cannot be accessed through a Local Area Network? We assure you that significant thought was put into the idea of an online-only gaming web site. But, you see, if you don't have a broadband internet connection, you're totally stupid and stuff. I bet you live in Iowa, and you eat lots of corn, LOL. Stupid Iowanian. And that's the purpose of the online-only approach. If, by dumb luck, you were born in and/or live in a part of the country that now has broadband internet access, you're the kind of person we want posting and contributing here. Fuck Iowa, man. That's what I'm saying.

So while there may be significant backlash from our existing user base, The Ghetto is confident that the use of a monthly subscription fee will lead to a revolution in the way that you enjoy game criticism and writing.* We've had to endure much, you and I, but soon there will be order again, a new age. Aquinas spoke of the mythical City on the Hill. Soon that city will be a reality, and we will be crowned its kings. Or better than kings. Gods.

 
 

* Subscription fees not reedemable for site content, including but not limited to "reviews", "articles", "essays", "content", "forums", "posts", "replies", and "you have been banned for". All subscription fees are nonrefundable. By agreeing to the subscription fee, you hereby waive all moral rights to financial information used to make your purchase, including "credit cards", "bank account information", "piggy banks", and "cash in your wallet". Per the End User License Agreement, should your actions or inactions result in a permanent ban, you must walk around outside with your pants sagging on the ground, singing the official The Ghetto fight song, whose lyrics include but are not limited to "Living in the Ghetto and | Eating in the ghetto or | Sleeping in the ghetto ghetto". Video evidence is mandatory for proof of pants on the ground.